it's sunday. had a pretty busy weekend of giving mom hassle. she and dad are pretty sure i am malfunctioning.
i wake up in the morning and i cry. mom says 'you can't cry just because you woke up. that's rediculous behavoir'
i get out of bed with blankie and we go talk to monkey. i cry.
i don't want to eat my breakfast.
mom takes me out to run around.
i have a nap. i wake up and i cry.
mom feed me lunch. i taste it but don't eat much of it. i run around the house screaming.
mom and i go out for more walks. i run around and have fun.
mom feeds me dinner. i taste it but don't eat much of it.
i play and then get ready for bed.
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that was my weekend. dad hung out with us today. he chased me around the cathedral while mom watched. i walked up to some older girl and cuted her. she gave me a balloon. mom was wrong. being cute does get you things you want. i pitched a huge fit when mom took the balloon while i was distracted and let all the air out. life is so unfair. i love balloons and mom never lets me have them.
i think just to spite her if i ever see the evil clown in the drain i will take one of his balloons.

i'm home. i saw my mom and dad. i said bye to gram and grandad. i eventually went to sleep last night. i had my blankie and my bed. ahhhhhh. i woke up in mom's bed. i guess i must have been fussing in my sleep. it was nice to wake up next to mom. i pulled her hair and stepped all over her trying to get out of bed.
dad made me breakfast. i ate it up. dad makes great mush. he had to go to work and do stuff. mom and i watched the monkey shows and played with toys. i made some stinkies. after mom got me changed she put clothes on me and we woke buggy up. time to go have fun.
mom made me walk up the big hill at northernhay. we walked all over the park. i poked lots of flowers. i walked up and down the little hill. i inspected the fence. when i was done i told mom to put me back in buggy and we did the shopping.
mom said the only thing we needed at the store was milk. that's why we bought everything but milk i guess. she bought loads of stuff. lots of treats i like are on sale so she stocked up. mom says that we can go out later and try to get milk then.
i got to ride on the car ride. i wasn't so thrilled about it today. i told mom that i wanted to go on it. i was jumping around in my buggy, clapping and hooting. when it came down to it though, i changed my mind. i even made a llamma face and the guy wouldn't stop.
mom put locks on my favorite cabnits. i can't open the doors any more. i am tall enough to pull the big door latches though and now i can escape from the livingroom and wonder around the house freely.
oh and all four of my first grinding teeth are in. that takes me up to like 12 teeth.

today i went to visit the chicks. i got to do fun boy stuff.

i heard gram talking to my mom on the telephone machine. mom said i can stay here until thursday. yippie. i'm having loads of fun.

i used my one phone call from lockdown to call my mom and dad. i've been trying to steal gram and grandad's phone. i get a hold of the talking part and just yell into it. they helped me dial the numbers and i got to yell at my mom and dad instead of just yelling at a beep noise. i say hi and hiya but i like to just listen while they talk to me.
i saw the monkeys. it ruled.

mom says today is my dad's birthday. he's got chocolate cake too.
gram and grandad are taking me to visit the monkeys today. i love monkeys! i might run away and join their tribe. i'm not down with eating any fleas though.

put food in me.

i send more email to mom and dad too
Hi Mum and Dad,
Grandma won an item on ebay it was a high chair. Grandad drove over to Nottingham last night to collect it. I was going to go with him but it was getting late and I need my sleep. I was up at 04-30 Tuesday, I got Gram up then I fell asleep at 5-30 so we all went back to bed. It was raining in Derby so Grandad took me swimming. Grandma sat in the spectators enclosure and watched. I was'nt very keen on it this time. I'd been swimming with Uncle Tom and Auntie Amy but I was a baby then and did'nt know about things. this time Grandad carried me to the baby pool and as soon as he got in water he created a TSUNAMI. and with Derby in the central area of England he flooded the whole of Derby. I did'nt stay in the water long I was cold so he took me home with Grandma. I fell asleep and then went to see the Twins Freya and Olivia. course Cousin Jack was there, he looked after me but he does shout. I went home at 5pm for chicken casserole, A real special from Grandma. messed about had a bath and I'm asleep until ?
goodnight Mum and Dad
Luv you both
HARDWICK

i send another message to my mom.
hi mum and Dad. having a great time here. have been out to Burton to the Library and on the swings with Gram. Grandads sez I must'nt do this must'n do that. I'm only a baby, hes childproofed every where. how can I explore? a child gate here a child gate there. shut this door shut that door. no climbing the stairs,no messin with the computer. he sez I'm safe only when I'm with blankie in the cot and ready to go to sleep. I talk to Gram and she sez she'll deal with him and if hes not careful she'll lock him in the basement for upsetting her best tist boy. I hope he takes me in his truck one day,just like he took Dad when he was a whippersnapper. going swimming with Grandad on Tuesday, uncle tom should be there too! good night, god bless Mum and Dad x x x

i'm a good boy. i sent my mom some email
Hi Mum
Here in Village Street had a good journey,Grandads has rigged some safety gates up sez its to stop me wandering about and touching stuff. I'll send you a pic, its like Folsum Prison and hes the governer. sez I aint allowed to to touch the electrics. I don't know why Grams sez I'm a good boy n Grandads a strict disaplinarian so we'll see who wins in the next few days,love Hardwick

you can all die of envy now. my mom bought me a horse.

ok my bags are packed and i'm headed out the door. bye. bye everyone. mom and dad are staying home. i'm going to visit at gram and grandad's house. i'm totally riding the train today. i'm going to see auntie pasty and uncle tom and maybe auntie amy. i'm going to see all the people from the neighborhood.

it's rainy and gross but i am totally going to the beach with gram and grandad. it's great. we might get wet but we'll have the whole place to ourselves. besides, it's the freaken beach, you're supposed to get wet. duh.

my grandad is coming today. we are going to have super fun exciting adventures.
mom woke up this morning and her neck doesn't work. she looks funny. i can run around and touch things and she can't do anything about it because she can hardly move, hahahha.

i had lunch in a restaurant. mom ordered me food off the kid's menue. i ate garlic bread all by myself. i tried a cheese and sauce calzone. it was super fun and i had a really great time. for dessert mom let me have a banannana split sunday. whooo-hoooo. i love banannanas. gram ate the ice cream i couldn't finish. i hope i get to go back there again.
it's kind a rainy out. i'm going to watch some cartoons, king of the hill is on. word is my grandad is coming to visit soon. goody.

check me out sleeping in my new buggy. gram brought him with her when she came. it's new buggy and he is super comfortable.

i have decided i no longer like food. i'm not eating any more green mush crap. i don't care if it's good for me. i don't care if it will make me grow big and strong. i don't even care if it will put hair on my chest. i'm not eating yummy soup. i'm not eating freaken spinache fritters. the only thing i will eat is my fruity pots. oh fruity pots, i still love you. and rice cakes. if it comes out of a plastic pot or looks like a drinks coaster, i will eat it. actually i would probably eat a drinks coaster too if mom would let me.
having a great time with grams. we've been doing stuff. i'm not telling you what other than to say- it's been super fun.
mom went out today and bought me a load of cool stuff. i got new clothes and a ton of new books. she said she found a naughty book and it's going away until i am bigger. i heard her telling gram about it. mom says when i'm older and do naughty things i will have to copy pages out of the book. oh man. come on now. who the hell punishes their kid by making them copy out pages from a latin-english dictionary? can't i just take the spanking?

today really is a lucky day. the mail came today and there was a package for me. mom opened it up and inside was a book. not just any book. mom found me a copy of my favorite version of twinkle twinkle. it's mine now. all mine. i did a happy dance.

my grammoms is here! mom said she was coming but i didn't know it was today. so freaken exciting. whooo-hooo.

mom and i managed to go out today and not get rained on- too much. this morning we went to the cathedral. we said good morning to tonks the kittie and her sister. they went to play on the wall and i tried to get them to come down. we didn't stay to chat long with the kitties. mom saw that they had killed a pigeon and i almost stepped on it's headless body. cool.
i watched the deliveries. the usual guys loading boxes and kegs into the restaurants. i walked all over the green. ran into a couple of kids, this girl and her little brother, oliver. he looked like me and was about the same age too. the only difference was he had a cookie to munch on. all i get is crappy rice cakes. the three of us squaked at each other and played around.
mom dragged me off to do the shopping. on thursdays we hit the charity shops. mom got me a new book, it's got different textures to touch while you sing songs. shopping is boring so i tried to escape by falling asleep.
mom woke me up for lunch. i ate the last of the yummy soup style2(carrot and lentil) mom had her lunch- stale baguette smothered in butter. what some people eat. since it wasn't raining out yet mom said we could go back out.
mom took me to the park and made me walk up the hill. i walked all over. we ended up behind the lieberry. i busted out my twinkle signs. mom says maybe tomorrow we'll go to the lieberry and see if twinkle is in and we'll take him home. cool.
mom dragged me to the other end of town hitting the charity shops there. she found a finger puppet book- 5 little ducks. i like it.
got home just before the rain came. i mean we got a little wet on the walk home but nothing major. watched frasier and malcolm in the middle is on now. think i'll have my dinner. just going to watch tv and read stories with mom until bedtime.

had an ok kind of day. there were good parts and one really not so great part. i got to see dad this morning. he got home really late last night so i hadn't seen him since yesterday when he made my breakfast. he made my usual mush with a banannana. i ate it while we watched the monkey show.
dad left for the day so me and mom hung out. we watched some tv. mom said i better hurry up with the stinkies if i wanted to go play before the rain came. so i did what i needed too. mom and i set off for our daily adventure. we went to northernhay. i stomped around and watched the worker men. they have a really big crane and it was lifting things, so cool. i fell over in the dirt, so embarrassing. mom said- oh well and let me muck around in every dirt pile i could find after that. she dragged me off towards the stores. she said since we left the house ahead of schedual we had plenty of play time left, so lets go to the cathedral. whooo-hoo. i got to watch the morning deliveries and i found even more mud to play in.
i helped mom with the food shopping and then we went back home. i had a little nap. mom woke me up just in time for lunch. it was ok. she made me rattailstewie, with real rat tails! i saw them in there.(ratatouille with spaghetti)
mom had her lunch and we watched frasier, it was the one where they go to night school to learn about cars. so funny. i looked out the window and saw that crane was lifting things. i danced around and hooted and clapped my hands. mom said if i found my jeans we could go back out to play since it wasn't raining. yippie.
so mom and i went back to northernhay and i was walking around in the grass watching crane lift things. it was right there- right above my head, we were so close. i wasn't paying attention and walked right off the grass and onto the paved path. i fell over and got another ouchie, a huge bump and minor scratches to my cheek. mom popped sucker in my mouth and gave me lots of kisses. i didn't cry, but it hurt. she let me watch crane for a few more mintues before dragging me off to boots.
mom loaded up on booboo stuff and juicy. she took me home and put bubble water on my scrapes. neat but weird. she says bubble water is a lot like duct tape and can fix just about anything. she also got another batch of cold fishies so i can have those on my bumps instead of frozen peas.

mom caught me eating a page out of one of my books today and took the wad of paper out of my mouth. retched mom, spoils all my fun.
it was the usual kind of english day. it was dank and grey with rain falling from the sky. mom said if we walked inbetween the drops we would only get half as wet. some days i get the feeling my mom is a little weird. we waited until the rain stopped before we ventured out. now where is a boy to run around if everything is wet?
mom took me to dinky's, whooo-hooo. we had the place to ourselves for ages before a little girl showed up to play. i had so much fun. i tried to get the girl to chase me but she was busy being fussy. when i screach and turn around in cirles that means chase me, come on now. i think there is a language barrier between boys and girls. it didn't matter, i had a ball pit all to myself. i actually got in and played with all the balls. it was like chasing bubbles in the bathtub.
playing at dinky's was the best part of my day. the rest was just so boring. i stood at my window and watched the rain fall. i made a huge mess with my toys. i tried to eat a few books. i curled up with blankie and watched malcolm in the middle. mom assures me that yes indeed she is the boss of me and it's true, life is unfair. she did share a jaffa cake with me for snack so that was pretty cool.

today i've had very busy hands. mom took me out to run around the cathedral this morning. i watched all the delivery trucks. i walked around in the grass. i inspected the wall of the church. i tried to pick some moss off the stones and eat it.
mom took me to the store. the first shop we went in i snatched a package of face shavers off the shelf. mom didn't notice until we were almost out the door. she scolded me and made me go food shopping with her. ugh.
so we walked around the food store. i tried to help myself to all kinds of things- soda bottles, potato chips, weird fruit. mom kept pushing buggy right at the last second so everything remained out of reach. we went to the pay the lady line. there was a woman infront of us with a basket. she swung it just close enough that i was able to grab her bag of salad out of the basket. haha success. mom gave me another tsking and i had to give the salad back. it's a fun game though.
went home and ate some food. the offering pleased me so there was no drama during lunch. watched king of the hill, this is one of my favoritest shows. mom took me out again for an afternoon play.
we went to northernhay and i walked around. i played in dirt. i found a huge rock sitting under a tree. it was so big i couldn't even move it. i tasted it. yes, in addition to trying to eat moss, i like to try and eat rocks. so far i haven't been very successful, mom keeps stopping me. one of these days, one of these days.
monkey and i are going to build a nest. monkey says that if he lived outside each night he would have to gather up a bunch of leaves to make his bed. mom says we can't have leaves but we can use pillows and blankies. it's going to be cool.

here's some video from the other day. i'm leading mom around behind the cathedral.
ok so like i had another sunday full of busy but boring stuff. i ate my breakfast and goofed off until mom said we could go run around outside. dad was all- it's cleaning day. i'm putting these toys in the box and you better not take them out. grrrr. mom and i got buggy and ran out the door. the quicker you move the less likely you are to get roped into cleaning day.
mom took me to the little park behind the lieberry. they do shakespears in the park there. they have loads of fences up. i like to rattle the fence. i found a bit with a sign attacted to it, oh man what a great sound. when the crusty homeless people started showing up mom and i went to do other things.
when we got home dad was gone. mom said he went to the gym. i had a little nap and got up in time for lunch. kinda wish i had slept through lunch. mom was serving up another bowl of green crap. i tried to get out of eating it by rubbing a couple spoonfuls in my hair. mom was all- whatever, you still have to eat it. ugh.
dad came back from the gym and said that it was time for mr hoover to visit. i don't like mr hoover. mom and i went back outside to wander around aimlessly. she dragged me to this place called the pheonix. she made me look at art, and bad art at that. i'm sure there is a law agaist that kind of thing.
we went to the cathedral and i walked around. mom dragged me to a few stores. it started to get sprinkly so mom said we could go home. got home and took off our wet clothes.
dad went to work so we had the place to ourselves. mom found a movie on tv so we sat and watched what's eating gilbert grape. it was good. blankie and i sat there rivetted. it was kind of a let down at the end, gilbert didn't actually get eaten by any mysterious monsters.
mom actually made something good for dinner so i ate that no problem. i'm feeling pretty worn out from all the boredom of my day. think i'll get blankie and read a few stories before bed.

got up this morning. i crawled over mom and plopped down onto the floor. i opened my door and went to get dad up. dad and i hung out while mom snored away. dad made my mush and even fed it to me. i guess mom was pretty tired. she didn't wake up until i went back into my bedroom to fetch blankie.
dad had to leave for work so it was just me and mom, again. i made a big stinky and she changed me and got me dressed. we got buggy out of the closet and headed out to do our morning thing. it was sprinkly again. mom was all- whatever, it's england, get used to being pissed on. good thing i had on my super cool new rain coat. since the weather was a little weird mom said i could run around the shopping center, that way if it decided to really rain we could get under a roof. so i explored the old church the pigeons sit on. it's from medieval times and it's right there, in the middle of the freaken shopping center. there are a couple of drains in the ground, i gave them a wide birth. drains are suspect in my book. i'm not dumb. alligators and clowns live in drains.
so i had a good walk around and poked things. i saw the water spout but no itsy. the clouds broke up and mom said we could do some shopping. she dragged me off to a few stores and then home again.
i had a little nap and when i got up mom had lunch ready. it was just some soup left overs. i ate it. helped mom do the laundry and played around.
the sun came out and dried up all the rain so mom and i got buggy and went out again. she made me walk up the big hill at northerhay. i ran around the park for awhile. i tried to chase a gull/tern looking bird. they are smarter than they look. i poked a few flowers. when i was done having fun mom stuck me back in buggy and we went shopping again. there was way more people out. mom says saturday afternoon shopping sucks balls.
mom and i went back home. i played loads and she cooked things in the kitchen. it was an ok way to spend the afternoon. the only downside was when i saw what mom was planning on feeding me for dinner. when i saw it was green i started screaming. we had a huge fight. mom suckered me in the end. she put the green stuff in the same kind of bowl my dessert comes from. so i would get a spoon of dessert and then she would sucker me with two spoons of green crap. i kept checking the dessert bowl but everything in there looked alright. where the fuck did all the green crap keep coming from?
guh. after dinner mom and i played and read a few stories. and that was pretty much my day. i got cool stuff in the mail. dad should be home soon, so i better get ready for bed.

here's me with the cathedral wall

here's a video from the other day.

it's friday and the weather has finally been a little nice. ate my morning mush. i made two stinkies before mom got me dressed. today i wore my boots. ok they are really hideous to look at but man are they comfy and they look pretty cool with jeans. mom actually got me to match a little. the socks match my shirt and my boots match my shirt too, jeans go with everything so she couldn't miss there.
we walked around the cathedral. we got there just as a huge bunch of german tourist showed up. i toddled around and waved at them. mom is pretty sure that if i ever go to germany, half the people there will know me, i'm probably as famous as david hasselhoff. exeter has been full of germans this summer and i know i've made it into a few of their shots.