gravity 2, hardwick 0
mom says i can fight with her all i want. you never know, i might get lucky and win once. if i pick a fight with gravity, i will lose every time. today i fell head first off the couch. i was goofing off and just slid right off the edge, head first. i just rolled over and continued right along with my song. i didn't even realize i fell.
mom and i got dressed and went out for our morning walk. i was doing really well until i caught my toe and tripped. mom didn't have a tight hold on my leash and when i fell it just yanked out of her hands. i got a good smack on the forehead. mom picked me right up and applied kisses to the effected area. i only cried a little.
this morning mom took me to the potty room to change some poops. i grabbed the big people buttwipe and tore off a little piece. when mom was cleaning me up i tried to help. i put my little piece of buttwipe down there and started waving it around. mom told me good job and i shouted and clapped. go me. i know what you do in the potty room.
not sure what i'm going to do today. it's pretty nice out, just damn cold.

today my dad got all dressed up in fancy clothes and said he was off to work to defend his thesis. why? is it under pirate attack? are the mongol whores using it for buttwipes? mom says no. first off it's mongol hordes and secondly a bunch of people just want to grill dad to make sure he's a good science geek. oh, ok.
mom and i ended up having a pretty good day. we didn't get into any fights. i was a good boy.
dad called to say he passed inspection and has been certified as quality science geek, dr level.

today a bird pooped on my head. what the hell is up with that? i was hanging out with mom watching trains and all of a sudden this stuff fell through the trees and landed all around us. mom noticed some weird goop in my hair, what the fuck is that? poops! and then she busted out a buttwipe and cleaned me up. so embarrassing on all levels.
mom and i have been fighting a lot lately. the way i see it, i'm a big boy. i do all kinds of big boy things. i can even press the button to call the elevator. i should get more say on what we do and where we go. mom says- she's the boss and she makes the rules.
like today we got into a big fight about where to watch the trains from. i wanted to go down the path to watch from where the homeless junkies hangout. mom said we can either stand near the station or take the other path up the hill and to the park. i said no- junkie hangout. mom said- in the buggy, walk is over, discussion is over, we are going to go buy bread. oh man.
on our afternoon walk we only made it as far as the clock tower. i wanted to go one way and mom was dragging me the wrong way. she said i could either follow her to a cool surprise or we could just go the hell home since it's too darn cold out for nonsense. goes without saying i ended up in buggy and back home 5minutes later.

sleep is for suckers.

mom says if i don't shape up i can start looking for a new place to live. aparently my recent behavior has been less than good boy standard.

i have been down right evil the past few days.

i fell asleep while playing with fishfinger.

oh another big boy thing i do now- i sleep through the night, in my own bed. well except last night. last night i woke up screaming because i couldn't breath so great. stupid stuffy nose. i freaked the fuck out as mom would say. mom did her best to keep me calm. i cried for awhile and didn't want to go back to sleep. even though i was up a good part of the night, i was able to get up bright and early for hoobs.
dad dragged himself out of bed and made my breakfast. mom got herself up. we all did our usual morning things. after hoobs we watched the deadliest catch men try to find crabs. monkey shows haven't been on lately so we watch the crab guys instead.
mom took me to music class. i had to ride there in buggy because it was pissing down rain. not a nice day at all. i was pretty quiet in class. the first few songs i just stood in the corner next to my buggy. mom finally came and got me. i just sat with her and listened to the songs. today we played maracas, bells, drums and castanets. that made me happy. i love maracas.
it stopped raining during class, so the walk home wasn't so bad. mom did some shopping. i wasn't too thrilled about my lunch. i gave mom a hard time most of the afternoon. she wasn't letting me get away with anything. don't pull things off the counter, don't open the freezer, don't eat weird shit off the floor. blah blah blah.

grandad said- no trading. gram had to leave today so she could go home and make grandad tasty treats for his dinner. hooof. gram picked me up to give kisses and hugs. i waved bye bye to mom. i thought gram was going to take me with her. i was pretty sad when she walked down the hall and left me there with mom. gram and i have such a fun time together. i cried for a minute, then just walked around waving bye and mumbling. hooof. mom got blankie and she gave me some hugs. she said that gram would try to come back soon and i would have more visitors before i knew it.
mom took me out for a walk so i wouldn't be sad.
i've got sniffles.

mom caught me going through gram's make-up bag. she said when i'm old enough to buy make-up, then i can wear it. she also said if i get a job as a rock star i can wear all the make-up i want, but until then i had to stay out of gram's stuff. fair enough i guess.
gram and i went to music class today. it was great fun. i did get a little bummed out when the maracas had to be returned. they are my favorite.
today has been rather blah. it's monday. it's raining. and worst of all tomorrow gram has to go home. boooo. i wonder if i can trade gram for mom. if my phone worked i would call grandad and work out a deal with him.

i'm a big boy now. i stopped using my sucker back at the end of august. suckers are for suckers. i no longer allow bibs to be placed around my neck. if mom tries to make me wear one, i just snatch it right off. i can get out of my jammies. i let mom undo the snaps and then i take the jammies off. i know how to put my shoes on but i still need help, mom holds the shoe and i put my foot in. i know how to get into my jeans. mom holds them and i step in and she pulls them up. i run. i walk backwards. i have all my teeth- front, fangs and first grinders; top and bottom. the other day i said the word chair, gram and mom both heard me. so i say: hi, hiya, bye and now chair. i also say momomomomomomomomomom, but not to call my mom just to make an annoying noise. it's the sound my brain makes when i'm thinking.

just doing stuff and then more stuff. gram and i followed dad to work and he showed gram how to find the duck pond. gram and i had a picnic on a bench and three ducks came over to join us. lunch converstation was interesting. as mom likes to say- ducks are opinionated assholes. after a snack and some playtime, gram took me back home. somewhere along the ride i kicked off one of my puddle boots and didn't tell her. she was not impressed when she got me home and found me wearing only one boot. mom told me off.
i ate some lunch and then gram dragged me back outside to find my lost boot. but i wanna take a nap. tough, we have to go find a boot. hooof. i took a nap anyway. gram managed to find my boot without any help.

grandad had to leave this morning. oh man. and then mom dragged me off to yoga. ugh. mom says the good news is there is just one more yoga class after today. good. i saw pixie maz in the hallway while i was waiting for class and i told her i can't wait to join her group. yoga is for pussies.
today in class i took lucy's stuffed bunny. she just dropped him on the ground so i picked him up to be my friend. i sat and looked bunny over, he's ok. lucy sent her mom over to get the bunny back. then she sat in her buggy and glared at me. the girl sitting next to lucy had a bear. i walked over and snatched the bear. i sat and looked him over. yeah ok, bear. why do kid's like bears so much? the little girl was starting to make a llama face so mom dragged me over to hand the bear back. she made me say sorry for taking the bear too. then i noticed the real little boy had a cool looking ball. since he's only a real small and easily distracted baby, i waited until he lost the ball before i picked it up. i held on to that ball, no one is taking this away from me. mom noticed that the little boy was looking for his ball. mom and i got into a huge fight when she tried to make me give the ball up. there was screaming and tears. dumb baby got his ball back. thankfully i was able to get the ball again since the boy got distracted by something else. then i noticed the spanish girl had a ball just like the one i took off the little boy. so i marched over to her and tried to take her ball too. mom put a stop to that idea. just as i was reaching out my hand to snatch the ball mom's hand came swooshing down and clamped onto mine. she growled- don't even think about. so i left the spanish girl alone with her ball.
and that is how i spent the first 15min of yoga class today. the rest i just ran around and tried to touch the radio. oh i also managed to open my snack pot. cherrios and raisins went all over the yoga matt. mom was not impressed.
after class mom took me home and i spent the rest of the day doing fun stuff with gram.

today i went to the beach with gram and grandad. it was wonderful. i was a super good boy. we had loads of fun.

surprise grandad visit! surprise grandad visit! oh my god, i'm so freaken excited. i'm going to eat my lunch and then me and gram are going to meet him at the train station.

owie, owie, owie. i was doing something mom has told me repeatedly not to do, stick fingers in door crack- trying to touch the hinges on the other side, and they got stuck. i shreiked really loud and mom came to rescue me. i kept screaming. it really hurt. i went to gram to have my boo-boos kissed, she does a better job. there were hysterics from me and i told you so's from mom. mom checked the scene for severed finger tips- there was none. she asured me the fingers were intact, there wasn't even any blood. they just got pinched a little. pinched my ass. it felt like they were being ripped off. i told her she was wrong and to look again, i'm sure i lost at least one finger tip. mom said nope, i didn't even break a nail. oh, ok. i settled down after i had a good cry. gram kept making me hold the cold fishy. getting fingers stuck in door was not very nice. mom being right, again was almost as bad.

i tried mom made chicken fingers and honey mustard dip. it was rather tasty.

surprise monster check.
no monsters just dust bunnies and tissues, lots of tissues.

i drank shampoo. kinda gross.
i don't think i will do that again.

today i went to baby yoga with mom. i spread chaos. i tripped a lady who was carrying her kid and didn't see me. i went flying and she almost dropped her baby. i got up and ran away laughing. i ran over some lady lying on the floor with my buggy. i rammed right into her side while she was doing stretchs. i knocked over a card table and made a loud noise. i stole a little boy's sucker and used it. oh yeah, i was evil today.
mom took me to check out a different kids class after yoga. the person in charge was sparklely, had wings, pointy ears and green hair. i freaked the fuck out. mom held me and said there was nothing to be concerned about, she was only a pixie. pixie maz and she runs a kids drama class. they do stories, songs, games, music and puppets. mom said when baby yoga is done at the end of the month we can go to the pixie's class instead. um ok. i guess anything is better than yoga.
mom showed gram how to get to the park with swings. whoo-hoo. gram and i played for ages. it was great. mom bought me a new blankie, he's blue. she says other blankie needs to retire because i keep eating him, so he's only to use at night. i have to use this lame ass blue blanket during the day.

busy doing stuff with gram.
coolest thing about today, other than spending loads of time with my gram- i got 2 new monkeys. they rule. i love my monkeys.

my gram is here.
mom made me walk all the way to music class today.

it rained today, a lot. mom and i went out for our walks though. we managed to get them in between the storm fronts. nothing really exciting to report. i gave mom a hard time about sitting in my buggy while she did the shopping. she said since i thought sitting in buggy was so boring, i should get out and walk. she made me walk all the way home. bread got to sit in the buggy instead.

today was all about touching poops. i touched 3 different piles of bird poops. mom was horrified.

i peed on the rug

today i'm hanging out with my dad. we're taking buggy out and mom is staying home. we're doing guy stuff.
i was goofing off earlier and fell off the chair while i was watching trains. i caught my eye on the edge. i've got a little cut on the lid, it's bruised and swollen a bit too. i look so tough. i bet no kids mess with me today.

got email from grandad. that means him and gram are back from scotland, yippie. he says that gram is coming to visit. mom has been saying the same thing- gram is on the way, but i didn't believe her. now i know she is really coming. whoo-hooo, i have loads to tell her.
today was pretty cool. i saw mom giving dad a hug and i wanted one too so i dropped my toys and went over. mom picked me up and i hugged dad. i hugged him lots and then i bit his shoulder. he didn't think that was so cute. dad invited us to walk him to work. so we all got ready and left the house together. i walked down the hall holding dad's hand. i love my dad.
we walked up some big hills and then there it was- the park with swings. dad put me in a swing and gave me a few pushes. it was great. mom gave me some pushes too. i love the swings. mom suggested i try out some of the other cool things at the park too, so she took me out of the swing and told me to choose something else. i went over to the jeep. so mom put me on the jeep and made it rock back and forth like i was driving. dad helped for a few minutes but then he had to finish the walk to work. bye dad.
i drove the jeep for a bit and played on the kid fort too. i was having a good time but then mom said it was time to go. shesh, a little rain and that means- lets leave. i was so annoyed. mom didn't care, she took me home anyway. good thing too i guess, it really started to pour.
for lunch mom shared her pizza with me. i got my own slice and a bunch of pizza butts. i really liked it. mmmmm pizza.
mom got me dressed again and said- we still need to buy bread. so we walked into town, on a saturday. oh it was terrible. there were assholes everywhere you turned. mom was most unimpressed. mom talked loud at some lady which means half the store heard her call someone a bitch, so embarrassing. we bought bread as quickly as we could and went back home.
i was goofing off and managed to knock the whole kitchen table over. it made a really loud bang. i got scared and started crying. mom got blankie and gave me some hugs. she said- that's why me and dad tell you not to play with the table, lucky this time you didn't get hurt.
i hate when mom is right.

this morning i woke up and i tried to throw nightnight bear at mom so she would wake up too. i missed. then i turned on my musical mind control night light and cranked the volume. mom just grumbled and rolled over. i did a little dance and started singing. mom told me to pipe down and go back to sleep. then i made a discovery- there is a window over my bed. how long has that been there? i usually don't go to sleep or wake up in my bed, so i didn't know it was there. i pulled the curtain back and i saw twinkles! mom was right, twinkle is right outside my window.
mom finally dragged herself out of bed and picked me up. i ran into the other room to make sure dad was up too. spent the morning doing the usual stuff. dad made breakfast, mom fed it to me, i ate it all up. watched hoobs and monkey shows. dad went to work. mom got me dressed and took me out for my walk.
she took me to see the trains! i love watching the trains. after the trains mom took me on the path up to the park. so i walked through the park and poked a couple flowers. we ended up at the pheonix and went to baby yoga. i was a pretty good boy for class today.
after we were done stretching mom put me in buggy and we went to the store. i went to sleep. listening to mom ramble on about what cheese to buy is beyond boring. i woke up on the way home when we got caught in a micro bust of freezing rain, damn that shit was cold. 30 seconds of ice pellets and then the sun came out again, stupid english weather.
mom made me a weird pasta dish again for lunch. it was good. since i had my nap early mom said we could go out again for another walk. she took me on this long ass crazy ramble through the city only for us to end up back at the train station watching trains, whooo-hooo. it must be my lucky day.

today was really weird but still good. i was full of accidents. i wacked my head before i went to bed last night. then i got up this morning i crawled over mom and fell out of bed. i landed on my butt so it was cool, i've got extra padding there. so i left my room to go find dad to tell him it's time to make my breakfast. dad wasn't where he should have been. dad was no where. mom followed me out and i watched hoobs while she made my mush. it was good enough.
so mom and i hung out and watched our morning shows. i heard the front door open and got all excited- dad's home. and he was. he spent the night working and came home this morning to see me. i spent some time with dad before mom ordered him to bed and dragged me outside for my walk.
it was not a very nice morning. it's was rainy and windy and kinda cold. the kind of day perfect for sitting inside with blankie and trying to drink mom's hot chocolate. instead of that mom made me walk into town. she wouldn't let me stomp in any puddles. where the heck are we going anyway? DINKY'S, yup mom took me to dinky's since the places we usually hang out were all soaking wet. there were so many kids in there it was crazy. i had a pretty good time. i had my ball taken a few times but i just went and got another one instead of fighting about it. i was happy just to do my own thing. i wasn't too happy when mom said it was time to go. but she was right- i was feeling pretty tired.
next thing i knew i was waking up in the hallway at home and mom was telling me lunch was ready. oh cool. naps are the poor man's time travel. dad was still home too. i ate lunch and he ate lunch and so did mom. then we all hung out and watched king of the hill. dad had to go into work for a bit so he left.
mom took me out for another walk. we went to look at trains and then walked up a big hill into the park. i walked all over the park and then mom and i went shopping.
we hit a few charity shops. mom and i found a new monkey- he's really big. mom handed him to me and i bit his nose, that means he's been accepted into the troup. my monkey now. mom also found some puddle jumping boots for me. whoo-hoo. she says now i can jump in all the puddles i want, as long as i have the boots on. i also got new underwear.
that reminds me, i had an embarrassing episode when mom was getting me ready to leave dinky's. she picked me up to put me in buggy and some how my sweat pants got left behind. they just fell off. everyone saw my underwear. lucky i had a fresh diaper on.
mom said i was a super good boy in the store, and i was. i didn't complain or try to rip things off their hangers and i didn't knock anything off the shelves.
and that was the interesting parts of my day. i ate pasta and garlic bread for dinner. i am really liking italian food. i can't get enough garlic bread.

what a yuck day. sitting in the nice warm livingroom i had no idea it was so gross out. the morning started off really grey and crazy windy. mom was going to let me walk into town but i kept stopping to jump in the puddles. she said- no puddles today and put me in buggy. i saw two people almost get squashed by a truck. mom says getting squashed is never a good idea or remotely fun. they crossed the road and the guy driving the truck didn't see them and almost ran them over- right there in the cross walk. tsk tsk.
mom took me down to the cathedral. i walked around a bit. super windy out. i saw people coming out of the cathedral, the electric door looked pretty cool. mom said if i was interested, we could go in. so we actually went in the cathedral today, it was big. i wasn't really interested in looking at anything though, i just wanted to tease the electric door. mom frog marched me back out in less than a minute.
mom said since i rode in buggy most of the morning i would have to walk to music class from the cathedral. oh man. by the time we got there and settled in class i was worn out. i just sat quietly with mom while we played and sang songs. i didn't have the energy left to run around and cause trouble.
after class i helped mom do the shopping and we went home for lunch. the mail man came and i got a post card from my gram and grandad. they are visiting cow up in scotland. neato.