yeah for evilution, i mean evolution

i woke mom up at 2am just because. i then hit her with a major poopie attack at 5am, just to be extra evil. ha.
spent a good part of the morning screaming because i was tired but didn't want to go to sleep. mom is wondering if there are any boarding schools that take pre-schoolers.

mom says that she is in hell. i had blankie check his gps watch- nope, pretty sure we are still in derby. she said that is just a different kind of hell. mom is not very pleased with me today. at midnight she took me upstairs to sleep. since no one is home, might as well try sleeping in a real bed. as soon as she put me in upstairs bed- i woke up. this is not where i sleep, this is not my comphy bed. so i complained about the situation until 1am. mom informed me that i would try the patience of a saint. we went back down stairs. mom gave me a bottle full of warm milk. i woke her up at 2.30, just because. then i got her up again at 4am and then again at 5.30am. i think there is a long day ahead of us.

i've had an ok kind of day. i'm not sleeping very well right now. mom thinks it is down to the time change. i am doing everything i usually do- just an hour earlier. getting up at 3am does not thrill mom.
today grandad, me and mom drove gram to work and then we went shopping. mom got the usual things- diapers and frozen pizzas. we were just wondering around when mom saw these stuffed dog toy things. she picked one up and i looked at it- hey that's kinda cool. she picked up another one- no poodles! then she picked up this black one with a fuzzy face- i was in love. i couldn't control my smile and happy wiggles. his whiskers were just so cute. mom says that he is a scotty dog. seeing how happy i was she said i could have him and scotty dog went in the cart. i've names him McWoofy.
McWoofy and i played loads this afternoon, i think my fish friends were getting jealous. i was a little fussy after playtime so mom told me to take a nap. grrrrrr. i'll take a nap when i am good and ready to take a nap. after much fussing and complaining i went to sleep. i got up and gram was home from work. i was able to get a few kisses off her before she left. gram and grandad went to spend a few days at the seaside with some friends. oh man. i want to go to the seaside! instead i am stuck here with mom, just the two of us. ugh.

it's sunday. i experienced my first major time displacement wormhole that threw me into the past by an hour. what the fuck? mom says it happens twice a year and is some sort of global time conspiracy to make people late/early for church depending on the season. i am all kinds of confused. this morning i got up at 4am. i know it was 4 am because before i went to bed blankie and i agreed- hey let's get up at 4am and ask mom for some warm milk. blankie set his alarm clock. the clock went off at 4am. mom woke up and told us to pipe down- it's only 3am for christ sake! huh? she dragged herself off the couch and got us the warm milk. eventually we all went back to bed. blankie and i got up again at 6am. i saw the clock it clearly said- 6am. mom grumbled awake. we played a bit and chatted. at 7am i asked mom for my baby rice. she said that i would have to wait until the real 7am rolled around? what? blankie's alarm clock says it's 7am right now! so she took blankie's clock and fiddled around with it and changed the time to 6am. ugh. she made me sit and watch while she did stuff on the computer. eventually she let me have some baby rice and for extra just in case i got a bottle too. by the time i was done with breakfast mom said i was starting to look like a whitchety grub.
so that was my morning. last night mom let me watch trainspoting. she said that if i ever need proof that she loves me, i should watch that movie. we've lived together almost 6 months now and i haven't ended up like baby dawn. the people talked weird in that movie.
i helped my gram make fruit cakes this morning.

i've got blankie and i'm going to bed early- shhhhhhhhh.


mom says i look like holden caulfield- if a body catch a body comin' through the rye. i'm going out to the shops to buy sour cream for mexican night. see all you phonies later.

mom says that i did really well in my sleeping last night it's just a shame we don't sleep at the same times. i got up at midnight for a big bottle. mom was just heading to bed. doh! i was up again at 4am- time to play! mom and i had some play time and then some warm milk. i slept for about an hour and got up at 6am- time to play! so mom and i played and chatted. i sang her a few of my songs. we had a gurgling contest. mom actually has a pretty decent gurgle, i wonder how she manages to do it without getting spit all over her face? anyway. i had some baby rice at 8. gram showed up shortly there after. mom passed me off so she could go get some more sleeps. gram and i did the usual- wiggle, read, snack-mushy bannnanna today, kisses. i didn't see mom again until 1pm.
after i had my bottle and a change gram, mom and i got in the car and went to derby so we could check out their new shopping center. mom let me ride around in the pouch instead of buggy. there were people everywhere! mom says it was almost like shopping back home. the people who built the new derby shopping center also run the one in annapolis, md. we ate quizzno's for lunch. it was damn tasty.
after shopping we went home and i had a bottle. eventually i had a nap. didn't really do a whole lot, just hung out with mom. that's the news i guess. mom ripped a load of pictures off the camera today so maybe she will post some up tomorrow.

i am being disagreeable today. mom says if i don't straighten up and fly right i can't help her make pumpkin soup later. she wrapped me up in blankie and put me back in bed to think about things. i decided to go to sleep.

the disagreeable lasted all day long. mom read me like a million stories and i cried. mom put me on wigglematt and i cried. mom sat with me on the couch and tried to have a conversation, i cried. mom wrapped me up in blankie and put me in bed, i cried some more. it was just one of those days.
times when i didn't cry- when mom fed me mango mush. damn that was weird but pretty good. when i had my baby rice- baby rice always makes me smile. when i did a huge poopie and mom asked: is there a huge poopie in there? that makes me laugh.
mom never made pumpkin soup. i did watch her make pasta sauce for her dinner though. that looked pretty alright. my nose is a little snuffly. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

mom and i are fighting over nap time. she thinks because i rub my eyes and pull blankie up to my face and my eyes close that means i'm sleepy. she put me in my bed with nightnight bear, blankie and sucker for a short nap. i screamed the whole time. i'm not tired! ok maybe i am a little tired but mom can't boss me around like that. i'll go to sleep when i'm good and ready.
i got up at 5am and had my diaper changed. man it's getting cold in the morning. mom fed me loads of warm milk. we staid up and talked then did things on the computer. i had a short nap. saw grandad and gram. i ate a bowl of baby rice. mom says it's time to up the dose. i got my wiggle on.
gram has a short day of work. not sure what we are going to do this afternoon. it's a nice sunshiny day, i hope it's something fun.

mom says i can have a few of my goodboy points back. i slept really well last night. got up this morning at like 6am. had a change and some warm milk. mom and i watched morning tv and i sang her songs. she says i am doing great in my singing, babbling and gruggles.
we had a short nap and when we woke up gram was in the kitchen. she didn't have to be at work until late so i spent the morning hanging out with her. i sang gram some songs. she stuffed me full of baby rice and milk. we had a long lazy nap in bed. it was a nice way to spend the morning. for lunch mom gave me some carrot and lentil soup. it was tasty good. i also got to have some more fruity custard. auntie pasty stopped by and i had a chat with her. mom and i read stories and played the game about the baker and the cakes- paddycake. i like cake.
i was somewhat disagreeable this afternoon. i didn't want to take my nap. mom kept suggesting i settle down but i was having non of it, even after downloading a huge stinky poopie. eventually i went to sleep at 5. oh dear. it was a real struggle getting up at 7 for my bottle. i got up and had my milk. mom told me that gram was home so i went and spent some time with her. i watched her eat a peanut butter kitkat chunkie. and i mean- i watched her, every move she made. i tried to think the candy into my mouth but my mind powers are not strong enough yet. one of these days. gram and i watched some tv, read stories and listened to music. i was super tired but again refused to go to sleep. gram busted out the baby mind control cd and that was the end of my day.

mom says due to my performance last night i lose all my goodboy points. oh man. she doesn't believe me it was all blankie's fault. blankie was up all night celebrating south africa's rugby world cup win. who knew blankie was south african? after my midnight bottle all blankie wanted to do was stay up singing and chanting so we did. he kept me singing until 1am. then blankie had me up every hour needing pottie breaks. i guess he had too much to drink before bed. so i had to keep waking mom. blankie would wake me, i would wake mom, and on and on it went. by 5am mom was pretty mad. she got me another bottle at 5am and after that one we all finally went to sleep. phew. stupid drunk blankie getting me in trouble. i got up for a few minutes at 6.30 because i couldn't find sucker. mom helped me find him and then we were able to sleep in until 8am.
gram was up then and she took over so mom could have some more sleep. gram and i had a nice morning. she stuffed me full of baby mush and then a bottle of warm milk. ahhhhh. at lunch time she let me try this new thing- fruity custard. oh man was that yummy. we're supposed to go out for a walk in the sunshine later. that's it for now.

i'm beginning to think that blankie may not have my best interest in mind all the time. i sometimes get the feeling he is trying to get rid of me so he can have my mom all to himself. this morning i woke up and blankie was sitting on my face. i tried to get him off but i couldn't. i had to call in mom to help. lucky for me he is only a thin knit blankie with lots of big holes so i can still breath, but still i am going to have to keep an eye on him.
blankie got me up at 5am and i got mom up. she changed me and fed me warm milk. we staid up and watched- how it's made on the discovery channel. we chatted. i sang her a few songs. after that we went back to sleep for a bit. i woke mom up again around 8am with a huge stinky poopie. oh man it was funny. everyone loves a poop joke.
when gram got up i had breakfast with her. she had seeds in soy milk. i had baby mush. gram fed me a mushed up bannnannna too. that was sort of weird but i ate it. mom went and had a short nap.
this afternoon mom, gram and i piled in the car and drove to burton. we went shopping. ok well first we went to pizza hut since the big people were hungry. i sat there like a good boy while they ate lunch. after that we walked around the shops. mom got things on her list. gram got things on her list. i was a pretty good boy. we got all the stuff we needed and went back home. i had a big bottle of milk and mom showed me all the stuff she bought. she got me this thing called a booster seat. i'm supposed to sit in it or something. i tried it out for a bit- it was ok. then i made mom read me this book she bought- gordon ramsay's fast food. it was all about food. the pictures were nice but the story was pretty boring. i liked the one about no bake cheesecake. think i will have a nice quite night and watch england play rugby. they have some kind of big important match tonight. mom thinks they are going to lose to the springbucks. what antelope are doing playing rugby is beyond me.

mom made me mango mush today. it's in the freezer. she says maybe next week i can have some in my baby rice. it's like friday night. mom and i are going to watch tv. tomorrow we are going to burton with gram. there are loads of pictures mom needs to wade through. she looked at them today and went dizzy, where do you start? she says she needs a PA.

oh yeah, my passport came today, i am now free to roam around the world. awesome.

oh wow what a day. i went to visit a horse and some chickens. it was so exciting. the horse snuffed my head. gram fed him carrots. i watched him get brushed and have his feets cleaned. i watched the chickens fight over bread.

mom says i was a good boy today- for the most part. last night she picked me up from auntie amy's at like 11pm. she changed me and put me back in bed. i didn't really wake up for that. i slept all the way until 5am. blankie woke me up, said he was hungry and to ask mom to get something for us to eat. so i did. mom stuffed me full of warm milk after changing me. we had a little chat and some play time. we then went back to sleep. i got up in time to say by to gram and to collect my morning kisses. i spent the rest of the day drinking my bottles and taking my naps with no problem. the only time i really protested was when mom decided we needed to go for a walk to the store. oh man, i didn't want to sit in my pouch. but she dragged me off anyway. at the store we bought exciting things like milk and formula. we bought 2 carrots for tomorrow. on the way home i started to squak. we saw two small kittens playing in the street. mom says they were going to mug us but i scared them off with my squaking. got home and mom gave me a huge bottle. i felt loads better.
uneventful afternoon. spent some time with gram. she and mom watched jericho and the ghost hunters. and that was my day. mom says there is something exciting going on tomorrow, which is why we needed to buy carrots. there are loads of pictures mom just needs to get off her butt and uploady them.

mom says i get good boy points in behavior the past two days. i've eaten my baby mush without complaint. i've drank my bottles and napped my naps. fussing has been at a minimum. and best of all, i have only gotten her up once a night instead of 2 or 3 times.
tonight was something different. mom took me down to auntie amy's to hang out for a few hours. seems gram and mom made plans for the night that didn't involve me- what the heck? they went to see some dude called ray mears yammer on about his adventures and look at all his boring vacation slides. they think he's so cool because he's been like a million place. (for the american crowd ray mears is like an older calmer bear grylls. bear does extreme survival, ray does traditional ways of living in harsh conditions work.) they said his talk was very nice, blah blah blah. they didn't bring me back anything so whatever.
gram has to work tomorrow but then she is off for many days. i need to think hard on fun stuff for us to do. mom says it's time for bedways.

yesterday i spent the day hanging out with my dad. we had so much fun. dad and i watched football and rugby. england won some important games from what i understand. whatever, it was just great to see my dad. it was kinda sad he had to leave this morning but mom says he will be back soon. mom has been taking loads of pictures and has manged to get as few that make me look like a right retard. i'm sure she will post them up later.
in other news mom has started feeding me this stuff called baby rice. what the heck? it looks like wallpaper paste, non descript grey mush. it tastes like nothing and makes me fart like crazy. so i guess it's kinda cool.

ok so like the first picture is me on the way to the embassy. the second picture is me leaving the embassy after becoming an american. do i look any different?
last picture is me and daddy zonked out on the couch after a long ass day.

i am now an american with the papers to prove it. the man behind with window said- your passport will be mailed to you in two weeks and your social security card will follow in about 2 months. hoho, go me. i have a sheet of paper to document my birth in a different country. mom says all things considered it was really easy and straight forward and cheap.

oh yeah and i am totally spending the weekend hanging out with my dad. doesn't get any better than that.

i'm off to become an american- cherry ooooo's.

have a random picture off the image feed

oh yeah, mom gave me a tiny chunk of carrot today. it was different. she says there are many carrots in my future.

i'm taking my first big trip to the city tomorrow. i'm headed to london. mom says we have important business there and i have to extra special good. she says if i complain too much the people we are going talk to might not let me be an american. they will make me be french- since they like to complain, make people's lives difficult and smell.
i have been down right evil today. if i didn't have such a big important meeting tomorrow, mom says she would have shipped me off to wale with gram. yeah my gram has gone to wales for the weekend. humph. but mom says we get dad instead. we will find him in london apparently.

oh yeah- happy birthday to my uncle ricky. mom says that i haven't mastered drinking out of a bottle until i can push a lime wedge to the bottom and drink the contents without it shooting all over the place. she says that you will teach me how to do that.
happy birthday to greatest gram. mom says that danna bunny is driving up to see you and might bring the laptop so you can read the blog.
happy birthday to the twins- have you figured out which is the evil one yet? hi to everyone going to the big party this weekend. sorry i can't make it but i don't have my passport yet.

lets just say that mom wasn't too thrilled with me getting up at 2.45, 3.15, and 4.15am. oh no she was not happy. i got a change at 4.15 and a bottle then i was happy. i slept in until 7.30. had a lazy morning. drank my milk and spent some time with gram.
mom got me ready and we took a buggy ride over to baby massage. it was the last class. i got a rub down and was happy. mom and i chatted the whole time and i had an attack of the giggles. the teacher lady gave everyone certificates and papers about food. there has been a lot of talk about food lately. the other day mom gave me a crumb of garlic bread. she says i'll be eating loads of that some day.
this morning gram was eating cereal and kept offering me her spoon. every time it got close to my mouth i opened up. i know what a spoon does and where it goes. mom and gram agreed this was a pretty good sign that i was ready for foods. so mom has been making a list of things to buy at the store. she says i get to try foods after our business trip to london is done. tummy aches and long trips do not go together.

mom let me watch the simpsons today, man i laughed my ass off. had a pretty good day. i'm starting to get my groove back. i've been eating at midnight, 7am, 11am, 3pm and 7pm. so far so good. i'm pretty much sleeping through the night too. the past 2 nights i've only gotten mom up once and that was just so she would find my sucker. today mom said i had to be good because her neck was out. she looked pretty funny, her head was stuck in the down position, all she could look at most of the day were her feet. it wasn't so funny that she couldn't lift me. i was stuck most of the day on the couch. i wanted to get up and do stuff but mom couldn't lift me higher than her shoulder. oh well. tomorrow is the last class of baby massage.

my mom says that there are some aminals that eat their young and i should consider myself damn lucky not to be born into a hamster family. last night i tried to get mom's attention a few times. she just told me to sshhhhh and stuffed the sucker in my face. i eventually went back to sleep after i forgot what i was going to tell her. we got up at 7am to play and do stuff. i've been pretty fussy. mom stuck me in a room by myself to sort things out. she said she was all out of ideas so i should just stay on wigglematt until i figured out my problem.

random picture time

so yesterday turned out pretty cool. gram said i could hang out with her. i had some splash time in the bathtub. after i dried off we went for a big trip to the park. oh man. grandad went too. we saw like a million peoples. we saw dogs playing. there were ducks in the river- quacking. are all ducks loud mouth assholes? i even got to see a water buffalo- what a world. we didn't get home until 7pm! it was so exciting.
when we got home i told mom all about it. then she changed me and stuffed me full of warm milk. i went right to sleep.
mom says she caught me playing with my toes in my sleep, i don't believe her. i got up for a bottle. mom and i watched sleepy hollow for a bit. that was pretty cool.
i got up again at 4am. mom wasn't too thrilled. she staid up past her bedtime watching crash apparently.(not the gay ass one about race relations in la, the one from 1995 with james spader.) anyway i tried out a new thing this morning. i made my usual waking up noises and mom peeked into the basket. i looked at her. she told me shhhhh, i'll be right back. so mom went off and did a few things, i heard her coming back and i closed my eyes to pretend i was asleep. mom tugged on blankie to see if i was really asleep and i couldn't help but smile, doh! mom caught me faking. i guess i have to get up even earlier if i want to fool her. i got changed and drank a bottle. i went back to sleep since there is really never anything good on tv at 4am. i was up again by 6am. mom and i hung out until gram got up.
been spending my sunday having some fun with gram. we've read books, had wiggles and a long buggy ride.

turns out my mom has a wicked case of PBS. she's eating chocolate and pain pills like they are on sale for 99cents.

this morning mom suggested my travel destination for today should be a trip to hell. then she realized she is low on chocolate and milk and revised that to a trip to the store. someone woke up on the wrong side of the couch at 4am, 5am and 6am. by the third time she had given up on getting any more sleep and let me play on my wigglematt until 7am. whooo hooo.

mom eventually came around and wasn't so grouchy. i was in a pretty good mood too. the two of us got dressed and went out to tackle the things to do list. mom has a list for everything and still manages to be unorganized. anyway first stop was st giles for a quick photoshot. i know i know we were just there last week but mom wanted to reshot a few things with a better zoom lens. well out front of the church there was this weird looking car covered with flowers. mom said- no church today, someone new is moving in. ok. then she took me to someplace called a- hotel. we talked to this lady and she gave us a piece of paper. mom said that danna bunny and g-dad now have a place to sleep when they come visiting. ok whatever. i just know that when mom turned around i saw the coolest thing ever- fish in a tank! real live swimmy fish! i started waving my arms and blowing bubbles like crazy. i could have staid there all day. best show ever! then it was off to the food store for the gathering of milk and chocolate and other edible things. what do i care? all i ever get is milk. fucking milk milk milk. it's not even cool milk like you can get at the milk bar in clockwork orange. got home and mom gave me lunch- oh what a surprise more crappy milk. then i had a nap. my gram came home from work shortly there after and i've been spending time with her. we've been making plans of fun things to do this weekend since she doesn't have to work.

yeah so i guess today counts as a pretty good day. i only woke mom up once during the night so she was pretty happy. we got up and watched frasier while i had some milk and a diaper change. i went back to sleep after that and didn't get up again until 7am. mom was still pretty worn out so she put me on my wigglematt while she dosed a bit. i got handed over to gram for the day. from what i could tell mom pretty much just sat on the couch and tried not to drool on herself. i on the other hand had fun. gram took me for a morning buggy ride to the park. i got to see the usual things- kids skipping school, people walking dogs, trees. got home and got into a disagreement with gram over when i would drink my milk. i wanted a nap first and then milk, so that's what we did. gram and i fell asleep on the couch. after that i went for an afternoon buggy ride with gram and grandad. it was loads of fun. got home and mom took over. she filled me full of warm milk. we played and laughed and had a snuggle. so i guess, not a bad day.

mom and i are having a bit of a dispute. she thinks that 3.45am is no time for a toe eating contest, i on the other hand disagree. man was i surprised when she beat me. old mom is pretty flexible. i was hampered by hand. i can get my toes up to my mouth but hand always seems to get in the way. i was disqualified from the rematch for cheating. blankie noticed that i had slipped my feet out of my jammie bottoms and was just pulling those up to my mouth instead. mom didn't have her glasses on, she never would have known had blankie just kept quiet. i'm going on a shopping trip later. the promise of new toys and clothes await.
doh! i got a stern talking to about my swearing. dad read the blog and complained to mom then mom shook her finger at me. bite me, it's my blog and i'll say what i like. i was super good today. this morning gram and i hung out while mom had a bit of a nap. gram washed my hair and dressed me in this cool ass bug shirt- i had bugs crawling all over me. mom came down at noon- what the hell kind of world is this? i had a bottle and we all got ready to go out for a few hours. we just went into the center of derby for some shopping. mom carried me around in my pouch. for something different she turned me around so i could face forward. oh man what a world. i saw so much.
got my picture taken at this weird place. the lady said i was a pro. she snapped off a few shots without a problem from me. i now have US passport regulation pictures. mom took me to this store and i helped pick out a bunch of toys. i am so freaken excited. sadly i can't play with any of the new stuff until this christmas thing comes around. mom says she will explain this christmas thing more later, something about satin and jeebus, trees in the house, crazy talk. i fell asleep with all the toy buying excitement. when i woke up mom was taking me into subway for lunch.
all kinds of old ladies came up to me and wanted to talk. some little girl tried to flirt with me.
the rest of the day was just as busy. after shopping in town we got home. gram tried to stuff me full of warm milk but i said- no. i got put in the buggy and me, her and mom went out. i'm not sure where we went since i fell asleep. mom says it was to the food store. i woke up just in time to find myself back home. played some with grandad. got fussy, had some bottles and then went to sleep. i got up just in time to catch an episode of ghost hunters. oh damn that was scary. tomorrow gram and i are going to do stuff since it's supposed to be wicked nice.

mom has often said that she lives in a david lynch movie. now she knows which one- eraserhead. i like to think i'm a little better looking than that baby. mom also says that if dad wants another baby he can get one by fucking himself. now i'm pretty sure that is impossible and i told mom so. she said that dad is pretty smart and could figure out a way to make it work. man you get a person up at 2am, 4.30am, and 6am and they sure are grouchy. mom took blankie away when i got her up at 4.30. i was lonely then.

mom and i eventually kissed and made up. we had a few laughs this afternoon. i laughed most when i did a huge stinky poopie and she had to clean it up. grandad took me for a buggy ride. we went in search of screws- the kind you put in walls or hold things together with. we stopped by grams work and said hi to her. hi gram. we went and chatted to auntie pasty and norman. norman always sends me hate rays, he seems to believe i am after his pillow. we went here and there but never did find the screws we were after.
gram only had a short day at work. by the time i was done with my lunch time bottle and wiggle, she was home. gram then took me out for a buggy ride, grandad came too. mom is not a fan of fresh air so she staid home. i spent the rest of my day hanging out with gram. mom fell asleep on the couch and someone had to play with me. gram and i read stories and got our wiggle on.
i heard mom say that danna bunny, g-dad and mel were finally coming over to see me. whoo-hooo. mom says that if i don't shape up, she is sending me back to the states with them. mom also says that if we were monkeys, someone would have sat on me long ago. yeah for evolution i guess.

since i have been generally disagreeable all the way from last night, mom said forget going to baby massage. i had a bottle at midnight. i was up for no reason at 2.45. then i got mom up again at 4am and didn't get back to sleep until 5.30am. she was not pleased. i was up again at like 8 or so. i played a bit and had a bottle at 9. since i was up so much at night i was pretty sleepy. i got blankie and curled up in bed and slept until 11. being that massage class started at 10.30, i figured we weren't going. spent most of the day in a pissy mood. lots of crying for no reason and mubbling. a little bit of screaming. my gram should be home soon, i'll know she'll be happy to see me even if everyone else around here thinks i am a huge pain in the butt.

mom said a few interesting words this morning. i'm not allowed to repeat them. first off i don't know what half of them are and second- this is a family blog.
she says forget military school, she is going to pack me off to the zen monastery so i can learn the value and quality of pure silence. if that doesn't work she is just going to lace my milk with knock out drops.