i'm having second thoughts about sleeping with mom and dad. last night dad farted on me, dude. it's even grosser than it sounds and it sounded really gross.
today was the usual morning thing. i got up and mom grumbled. finally she got up too. we went downstairs. i had my breakfast and watched some shows. gram got up and that was that. if gram is around mom is old news.
grandad got up too and there was hustle bustle.
we waved bye to mom and i was off on another adventure with gram and grandad. we went to a train place. there were old trains scattered everywhere. trains here and trains there. gram and i were standing around near some tracks. gram said she could see thomas coming. huh? what? thomas the train is coming this way? and he was! he rolled up right beside me. thomas! oh my god. what an afternoon. thomas's boss the fat controller gave me a stuffed bear. we got to ride around on thomas. a lady made me a balloon sculpture of a monkey in a tree. wow. i had a great day.

last night mom and i got into a fight about where i sleep. i like to sleep in the big bed with her. she says big boys don't sleep with their mommies. i cried and cried but she wouldn't get me out of my pen. so i climbed out on my own. dad cme in and put me in the big bed. haha mom.
dad got up with me this morning. i gave him a hard time. i only ate part of my breakfast.
i hung out with mom for a bit. we watched monkey shows. i herd gram get up and that was it. see ya mom.
i'm gram's shawdow. i follow her everywhere. i spent the day doing things with gram and grandad. good fun, good fun.
i ate loads of tasty food.

another day of doing things with gram. i had to give her a hard time this afternoon. we went out for a walk. we checked to see if there were any ducks at the pond. i wanted to go in the pond. gram had the audacity to tell me no.
no. she said no. to me. what the heck is that about?
mom told her next time she can just leave me pouting on the cold ground, just like she does.

i've been giving mom a really hard time at night since we got to gram and grandad's. that's not my bed i sleep in. why is dad in the big bed? he takes up way too much room. noisy cars go by in the street all night long. it's very distracting. i spend a good part of the night thrashing and fussing and generally keeping mom up. oh well.
this morning grandad got up. he had his work clothes on again. oh nuts. dad got up and so did gram. whoo-hooo, everyone is up, time to play.
i played with the pots and pans.

this morning when i got up grandad was up too. good morning grandad. i helped him eat his breakfast. mom made my bowl of mush and i ate that too. grandad had his going to work clothes on. i waved him off at the door like i do for dad when he goes to work. bye grandad, bye.
had a pretty uneventful day. i've just been doing stuff with gram. i rearranged her pots and pans. i got super annoyed with gram when she had to talk on the phone. mom told me to pipe down and play with her while gram was busy. that made me even more mad. i pitched a really good fit for a few hours. i wouldn't eat my dinner either, even though it was yummy soup version 1. i just cried and whined. do not displease the hardwick.
gram and i sat down for some quiet time and stories. that made me happy again. going to bed in a bit.

today is boxing day. it's a weird ass holiday english people have. i'm not sure what to make of it. is it the day you crush all the boxes things came in on christmas? i like to keep the boxes for awhile, they make fun hiding places. mom says it has something to do with hangovers, leftovers and victorian charity. i'm not sure you can use those things to make a holiday, but oh well. the victorians were pretty clever.
i had a long and busy day. i got mom up at 5.30am because there was so much to do. i spent awhile checking the wheels on my trikey. i'm pretty sure if i loosen the screw i can have spinners on my wheels.
i went for two walks. i ate loads of good things and bad things too. today i tried pringles for the first time. dad let me have some of his. mom wasn't impressed. she doesn't like me eating those things. she let me try brie, which is some kind of strange cheese. i rather liked it.
what else did i do today? play play play, pretty much.

today is christmas day. dad has been making mom watch all these jesus shows on tv. dad says it's either jesus shows or american chopper. haha mom has to do something other than what she wants, now you know what it feels like. mom says for a christmas day i've been a pretty good boy. i still don't get what all the fuss is about. i got mom up at 5.30am not because i was excited about presents, i was just bored of being in bed.
this morning mom and i hung out and watched some random shows. only one hoobs was on. there was some show about a dog who thought it was a reindeer. tv is not very exciting at 7am. mom made me breakfast and shoveled it in for me. then we just hung out waiting for everyone else to get up. i made a major stinky. mom had to get the airfreshener. gram fed me apricots yesterday, they rule.
gram and grandad made a special exception to the no presents before lunch rule. they said i could open this huge weird shaped gift that aparently had my name on it. um ok. everyone helped me out because i find wrapped gifts rather suspicous, i don't know what to make of them. the paper was finally pulled off and i found myself looking at a trikey. oh oh oh so cool. it looks like a race car and it talks.
i played with trikey for a bit and went for a walk with gram. that killed time until our big ass christmas lunch feast. gram and i got home just as all the food was being plated up. whoo-hoo. i had some turkey, parnips, roast potato, carrot and sweede mash all with a bit of gravey on top. it was good but i wasn't too interested. i had a few bites. for dessert i got a fruity pot and yoghurt. mom says- just wait for the pictures.
so after lunch i tried to help grandad with the dishes. he filled the machine and i re-programed it for him, twice. he wasn't too impressed. it's so hard being good all the time.
i got loads of cool stuff in the present opening fest. i got thomas the tank engine things. i got thomas jammies and a bathrobe. i also got a bunch of new monkeys, they are pretty cool. one is called curious george and he giggles when you tickle his feet, so do i.
i have to go visit auntie amy and uncle tom. i need to deliver the gift i got them and then it's bed time. so merry christmas to everyone out there. get stuffed(on yummy food)

i'm spending time with my gram. i love my gram. yesterday we were talking and she said something about monkeys so i said monkey. i just whispered it but mom heard me. i'm trying to have a private conversation with my gram, mom is always listening. but yeah i said monkey.
gram lets me be a big boy and it's great. i've been feeding myself. gram gives me a bowl full of food and a spoon and i get to do the shoveling in. mom comes to check on me and so what if i've got lamb cassorole in my hair, gram gives me a good clean when i'm done. today gram took the lid off my sippy cup and i drank my juicy straight from a cup just like a big person. mom says it's great i'm doing all this stuff at gram's house, her kitchen floor is a little easier to clean than our carpets.
today gram and i have been doing things. i helped her with the chores this morning. we went around and visited friends, spreading holiday cheer. mom says spreading cheer is better than spreading germs and to watch out for any sick people who might want to kiss me.
later gram and i are going to some carols service. there's supposed to be lights and songs. i like both of those things, so it should be good.

this morning mom and dad got up really early. they didn't even wait for me to wake them up. they were banging around, doing morning things and it freaken woke me up. i got out of bed to investigate. before i knew it mom had my clothes on and was stuffing oatmeal in my mouth. what the heck? the hoobs aren't even on yet.
then it was shoes on, strapped in buggy and out the door. who goes out the door before sun come out? and where in the hell are we going? and why is blankie coming? so weird.
mom walked us down to the big trainstation. no freaken way! we're going on a train ride? and we were, and we did, and it was wicked awesome. i was super good boy. i sat next to dad and tried to watch out the window. it was still dark so pretty much all i saw was some weird blond kid with his nosed pressed against the glass. mom packed a huge bag full of my favorite snacks so every time i acted up she shoved food in my mouth. you can't talk if your mouth is full of rice cake.
eventually the train slowed down and dad said it was time to get off. we jumped off the train and who was there? grandad! whooo-hooo. everyone got in the car and we went home and gram was waiting for us. oh what a day and it's only like 10am.

monday monday. mom and i are friends again. i don't have much choice. dad got up and went to work, so i don't have anyone else to hang out with. not much going on. i wrestled with monkey for while this morning. we rolled all over the room and bounced off walls. that was pretty fun.
mom took me out for a walk. since the weather has been pretty mild she said we could watch trains. whoo-hooo. trains are my next favorite thing behind monkeys.
so it was a pretty good day. i even ate my dinner. i've decided that whatever mom was dishing up, chances are it's more exciting than bread and water. she made some bizarre combination of turkey, apples and every left over veg in the house. it was actually pretty good.

tonight for dinner i had bread and water. i've had bread and water for the past three nights. mom says that should keep me alive until gram can sort me out. a few nights ago i had a couple bites of fennel sausage risotto before i told mom to shove it. so i got bread and water. then last night mom made me a grilled cheese samich. i wouldn't even sit in my chair to eat. i wouldn't even look at the samich. so mom took it away and made some leftover meaty pasta sauce. i wouldn't try that either. she tried to feed me raspberry jam on bread and all i did was scream. so at dinner time tonight i again refused to sit in chair. i wouldn't taste the shepard's pie dad made for me. i just screamed and cried and shot snot out my nose. then mom made me some turkey with apple sauce. i didn't want to eat that either. mom put a piece of bread on my snack station. later she gave me some cheerios. other than not eating my dinners i've been a good enough boy. today i helped dad collect our train tickets. whooo-hooo. i'm going on a train ride.

blankie went for a wash today. i saw him tumbling around in the machine with all the other things. i was concerned. when he was done mom hanged him in the closet. he was dried in time for bed. he smells way better and his weird brown spots are gone.

mom says i can have my good boy points back and she won't call satanclaws to cancel my present delivery. whoooo-hooo.
i was a good boy all day. i was a good boy for mom. i was a good boy for dad. he came home for a surprise afternoon hang out session. mom had to go out somewhere so he came to play and watch monkey shows with me while she was gone. it was great.
i did get a little sad when dad had to leave again. mr chris came to get him the they left me home with mom. the two of them went off to do guy stuff. mom says when i'm a big boy i can eat all the junkfood and drink all the beer i want but until then i have to hang out with her on friday nights and watch movies. oh man.

i am going to get my good boy points back. i'm working really hard at being good. so far today it's going alright. i've eaten my breakfast. i've watched all my favorite morning shows. i played nice with my toys.
mom and i went out and i was a good boy. we walked around town and visited a few shops. when it was time for me to sit in my chair i did. i ate my snacks and was quiet while mom put things in the basket. i didn't try to kick any old ladies or tear down the displays.
i took my nap on time and when i got up i ate all my lunch. mom said that since i was being so good and the weather was pretty mild today, we could go out for a second walk. so i sat and played while she did the dishes. it was starting to get dark by the time she said it was time to go.
mom said that we were going to get one last good look at the twinkles before we head out of town in a few days. she says the closer it gets to christmas the farther you want to be from the stores. so that's why we're getting on the train to visit gram and grandad. we're going to hide out there for a awhile.
it was neat, twinkly lights everywhere. i got so excited i started to run. i pointed and chattered the whole time. great fun. mom and i walked down the high street and then around the corner and ended up back home. she put on my monkey shows and made me fennel sausage and veggie risotto, not my favorite dish but still tasty enough.
i'm going to sit and wait for dad to get home. mom says if i can go to sleep like a good boy and stay asleep until morning, i just might get all my good boy points back.

mom says i was so close to getting all my good boy points back but i blew it in the end. oh man. i was such a good boy all day long. i didn't get told off. i ate my food, even the questionable leftover surprise mom served up for dinner. i had a nap without any problems. i played nice with my toys. i was soooooo good. i even went to bed. i curled up with blankie and mom and just shut my eyes.
so what happened? i'm not sure, i was sleeping. mom says i was snoring away happy as can be. she picked me up to put me in my bed and as soon as i touched the sheets, i jumped up screaming. so from 8pm to almost 11pm i ran around the house. watched tv with dad, generally avoided going back to bed.

mom says that i better hope that satanclaws wasn't doing random naughty checks today. and if he calls looking for a reference i'm screwed. today i refused to take a nap. for fun i pulled mr hoover's tail and slapped his butt. i also pulled random things out of the trash to see what mom throws out. you never know, there might be a good snack.

today i was pretty good boy. even i can't be evil all the time. mom and i went to our last music class for awhile. hooof. we had a fun time though. we sang loads of songs and shook bells.
after class mom took me to the grocery store. i was a little grouchy about that. i wanted to go home and eat lunch. mom got annoyed at the check out lady and we ended up going home without the bread and eggs. fine by me, i don't like eggs. mom says if we run out of regular bread we can always eat garlic bread- fine by me, i love that stuff.
that's about it really. i watched a bunch of monkey shows and played with my toys.

dad took me out for my afternoon walk. mom said he wasn't under any obligation to bring me back. someone set my switch to etra evil today. dad made me walk all the way to the swings- by the long way. when we finally got there, he wasn't even going to let me go on them. what the hell? i didn't walk all this way just to look at some swings. i don't care how cold and muddy it is, put me in that swing now! so i got to swing for a bit until i agreed, yea, it is a bit cold out. then dad made me walk all the way home again. we have a buggy, why can't i ride in buggy? by the time we got home most of my evil had disapated, but i was still full of whine. mom hurried up and made my dinner. she said it's hard to whine with a mouth full of food.
so i ate my dinner and it was good. i ate my dessert too. as soon as i was done, mom took me to the bathroom so i could splash. whoo-hooo. i love bath day. dad came in and he took over watching me splash so mom could finish making big people's dinner. dad and i had a great time, bubbles went everywhere.
after bathtime, i settled down with dad and watched starwars attack of the clones. mom and dad say it's probably the best of the bad starwars movies. one of these days they will let me watch the good ones. and that was my day.

mom's been letting me watching movies. today it was back to the future 3, which means there must be two others. i hope they are better because this one bites. only redeeming thing in the whole movie is trains. i like the trains. i've also seen shrek, monsters inc, emporer's new groove, and nightmare before christmas. those are all good movies. i liked them lots. mom also let me watch sin eater. mom says- eating chocolate cake is not a sin. eating bread and salt off a dying person's chest is and that will land you in hell. so let's just eat chocolat cake and be happy. ok, we don't really have any chocolate cake, but we do have ben and jerry's so that will have to do.
today i was good enough. mom and i did the shopping. i had my nap. i ate my food. i didn't make too much of a mess with my toys. i can stay another day.

mom said since our morning didn't turn out like we thought it would, i could have garlic bread for lunch. i love garlic bread. nom nom nom, it's so damn good. so i had a bunch of garlic bread chunks and cheese sticks. yeah i like cheese. i eat cathedral city mature, mom says that's like eating a mild+ new york cheddar. it's not super strong but it does have a slight kick.
mom took me to the woolworths closing down sale. god it was so boring. i just went to sleep. she hid all the stuff she bought so i'm guess i got more treats headed my way. mom says there will be no treats if i end up on satanclaws naughty list. so i was pretty good today.
i build really great nests now. all the monkeys are impressed.

mom says if i ever have another day like today, she will leave me on the corner with the big issue seller and his dog. i was so bad she almost called dad home early. i was very cheeky today. i have a whole roomful of toys and books. all i wanted to do was flick the switch on the radiator. every time mom got up to tell me off i ran away laughing. click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, mom said it was making her head feel even worse. i got tired of that game after awhile and moved on to better things- opening the freezer. mom put a lock on it the other day so it only opens a little bit now. i used to get it all the way open and then try to pull the baskets out. so freezer door went open close, open close, open close. once again every time mom came to tell me off, i just ran away laughing. freezer game got boring so i moved on to- trash inspection. i reached into the garbage can and pulled out random things to see what's in there. mom said if i didn't knock that game off i would have to eat whatever i dug out. gross. i pulled out a chocolate bar wrapper. i tried to get mom to give me a fresh one with the bar still inside.
eventually i calmed down enough to eat my dinner. i gave mom a hard time about eating it though. gross gross gross, i'm not eating any more of your slop. then she managed to get a spoon in my mouth and i realized it actually tasted pretty good. i ate a huge bowl of weird italian dish version5.
after eating a huge dinner i got out of my chair and gathered up my blankies. being evil most of the day is tiring work. i curled up with mom and went to sleep.
mom tried to move me from the livingroom floor to my bed. how do i know this? i woke up. that little sleep i had gave me enough energy to drive mom crazy from 7.30pm to 10pm. i guess i could keep going but i want to be up before 6am tomorrow so i can get an early start on things.
oh yeah i also emptied out an entire pack of buttwipes one by one. mom has picture evidence of this event. she can't prove the other misdeeds. on the upside, i like to use a coaster for my sippy cup.

there was a stink in music class today. all the kids around me were getting thier pants checked. mom pulled mine down right to my ankles, so embarrassing. she checked my shoes, she checked her shoes. no one could find where the stink was. it was me. i was making stinky farts the whole time.
today was our last class for awhile. we sang about jingling bells and falling snowflakes. the teacher then dumped a huge box of instruments out and we got to pick whatever we wanted to play. i got this wooden thing that you hit with a stick and it makes a ticktoc sound. i really like it. the teacher plays one just like it at the begining of every class. i also got a neato drum that had beads inside and fish pictures. so i just sat and played around happily. the really cute french girl emalia came over and snatched the ticktoc maker right from my hands. i was going to start a fight but mom held me close and said i had to share and though it wasn't nice that she took the ticktoc maker away like that, she's french and a girl so this time i should let the rudeness slide. there are loads of other cool things to play with so go have fun. mom was right i got the rain tube and shook that around for a bit. then emalia got distracted and put the ticktoc maker down, mom said- fair game and i snatched it back.
i feel ok after getting my pokes yesterday.

today mom took me to get pokes.

not a whole lot going on, it's just a blah ass monday. still feeling a little sick, well that's what i'm telling mom any way. that way i can keep eating butter and jam toasties with fruity pot sides and not the ususal stuff she feeds me.
i went to music class and was a good boy. i sat next to ollie, he's so funny. i get all shy in class so i just stay as close as possible to mom. we played with shakey boxes and drums today. i like to play my drum upside down. mom says, that's cool, she can dig it.
oh yeah since it was a blah ass monday mom decided to dress me all in brown. she said g-dad would understand.

it's sunday. dad is grumpity because he's getting a cold. mom is grumpity because dad is grumpity. i am kinda sick but feel fine enough to cause trouble and make big messes.
mom made me watch babe: pig in the city. it was rather sucktastic. i didn't bother watching the whole thing. mom put me in bed for a nap and instead of complaining i just went to sleep. even talking monkeys couldn't make that movie any good.
later on dad and i watched starwars episode 1. man those skywalkers are whiney bitches. it was an ok movie, loads of interesting creatures.

all day monkey shows! but then on another channel it's all day frasier. mom and i had to share the tv.
i've got a little cold. mom took me on a short trip to the store. the rest of the day i just played. having a snuffy nose is no fun.

my mom says- fuck england, it's a fucking shit hole. i saw some poops on the side walk today, she could be right.

i had a nice day the night time ended up not being so hot.
this morning i did my usual things. i watched my shows and played with my friends. dad made my breakfast and mom fed it to me. i waved dad off to work and played some more until mom said it was time to go out.
today was pixie maz time so we went there. pixie maz wasn't in today though, she sent elf maz instead. there was all kinds of santa talk. all i wanted to do was sit and brew imagination tea. i just sat and played with the giant plastic tea pot while everyone else flew around the room.
after class i helped mom do the shopping. i made sure i got my nap in too. the day before didn't work out so great with taking my nap at 4pm. so early naps means more fun later.
mom fed me lunch. today she said was all about eating freezer food. i had mysterious fish dish version 1, which mom had made and then frozen part of a few weeks ago. it was still very yummy and i ate the whole bowl. mom made some great gagging faces.
after lunch and some play time mom said we could go out again. i wasn't so sure. i noticed that even though sun was still out mr moon had shown up. mr moon is still suspect in my book. i pointed and chattered at him a bit so he would know i was watching him.
mom took me to watch the trains. it started to get dark out mom said let's keep walking. we walked into town and there were twinkly lights everywhere. i pointed and chattered at every one i saw. it was so cool. there were loads of other kids out too doing thier walk. i saw two boys that were much older than me but smaller than me at the same time. mom said they were little little people and some day when they grew up they would still be little people. how odd.
on the way home i stopped and continued my conversation with the letter a. last week i got into a huge debate with this letter a which is on the wall near tescos. mom dragged me off before i could finish my point. today i finally got to finish the debate.
mom took me home since it was getting close to dinner time. she fed me some tomato soup that gram had made. she added some pasta shells, toaties and stink cheese. oh it was very good.
after dinner mom and i sat down to play and read stories. i started not feeling so great. a stupid cold got me. i got all snuffy and hot and tired. i told mom to save the stories, just get my blankie. so i'm going to just go to bed early.

mom says that today is dana bunny's birthday. happy birthday dana bunny. i hope you get stuffed (full of yummy food) and people bring you cool stuff just like they did on my birthday. oh and balloons. nothing says party like loads of balloons.
today the weather was stupid again. you can't have rain and sunshine at the same time. it's just not right. mom took me to watch trains for a bit and then we went food gathering. on the way home it started to really rain.
i had a meeting to go to this afternoon. mom dragged me to the scummy side of town. i met with these two ladies and they asked mom questions about me. i just got to play and be cute. the ladies seemed happy enough that i was developing normally so we didn't have to stay long.
mom and i got into a big fight about naps again. she said that it was outrageous that 3.30pm had come around and no naps had been had.

i saw a helper dog while i was out shopping with my mom. he came right over and sniffed me. i was all like- hey, what's up with that? and then the helper dog saw another dog and he started to woof. mom said- tsk tsk. helper dogs aren't supposed to do that.
i went to music class and did my thing. there is only one more class before the break. what am i going to do for fun?

well, i've been called up. i got my postcard in the mail the other day. mom says they found out where i am so there is no use hiding. i can't dodge my shots any more. i go in next tuesday to get more pokes. i don't like pokes.
today was a crap day. the weather was terrible. it was cold and raining. the sun came out for a few minutes here and there but the rain kept coming down anyway. stupid english weather.
mom made me walk down to the grocery store, then i got to ride around in buggy. we bought a few things and then hit a couple charity shops. we rescued two monkeys, a kiwi bird and picked up a couple books.
i spent most of the day playing in the livingroom. i read some stories. i played with my trucks. i introduced the new monkeys around. mom let me watch monsters inc. it was pretty good. i wasn't scared. after the movie was over i dug around in my toy collection and found my mike and scully dolls. i didn't know those guys had their own movie. i just thought they were neat things to chew on. i put scully on top of the tv and poked mike in the eye for awhile.

today mom and i are friends again. i don't have much choice. dad went to work and he won't be back until later. mom let me spend the morning watching my favorite shows. when thomas came on i got out my thomas book. when postman pat came on, i got my postman pat book. i watched looney toons with my tweety bird. when the monkey shows came on i got out my favorite monkeys. i read some stories and played with my cars.
mom finally got me dressed and we went out for our morning walk. i wanted to go watch trains. when mom said no, i expressed my distaste for her answer. she said it was getting way too cold for standing around and watching trains. if i would wear a hat and mittens she might reconsider. i'm not wearing a stupid hat. mom dragged me up the hill into the park. i could hear the trains but not see them. in the end i found myself at music class and that made me happy.
today in class i sat next to ollie. he looks a bit like a big old bullfrog but damn if he isn't a laugh riot. for a little baby he's pretty good at this music thing too. i like sitting next to him. mom said that since dana bunny and g-dad had to change their plans i can take more classes after christmas. cool.